my family loves christmas
Sometimes it seems like only my family has an obsessive need to be together over the holidays. Not only am I guilty of partaking, I can’t complain, I give in to their requests and as strange as it sounds out of context, it’s always nice to feel wanted, even by your parents.
I spent one Christmas away from them, just to see what it was like. I went on a two month trip to Europe and spent the holiday popping bottles of champagne on the coast of Croatia with two girl friends. As fun as it was, the sound of my 5 year old niece’s voice inquiring as to why I wouldn’t be around for the holidays soaked into my skin like salt on a bloody wound. It left a scar.
I’m 31 years old now and I haven’t had a boyfriend in 5 years. I thought they’d understand why I wanted to take the paramount day to spend with him having no friends or family around while he worked the day after. The word boyfriend never seems to carry enough weight though. Possibly because we’re in the south, or my parents are old fashioned, or maybe they’ve just seen me mess up too much stuff in the past. The disappointment in my brother’s voice traumatized me enough to give in to them, my niece is clearly her father’s daughter and after all, blood is blood.
As the day approaches, it’s becoming more apparent just how intensely my family has influenced me over the years. Gifts and money aren’t everything but the thought really really counts. Without his family or friends around for the eve or the day of, the special obsession venture consumed me. Roaming around town gathering mediocre decorations, food to feed a dozen, and as many little gifts I could slather in cat covered wrapping paper and equal amounts of tape. Sure, the new pho bowls from crate & barrel and steak dinner were nice but the biggest gift in my mind was in a dorky puppy holiday card. Specific instructions were given Christmas morning, not to open until I was 30,000 feet in the air on my way to the family.
At 5,000 feet you start to get service arriving into Houston intercontinental airport and through my headphones I hear his dedicated text notification. Anxiety rolls over me as I look to see what he says; it won’t load. Losing patience but I have no choice until I land, turn off, restart, *phew*. “I love you too.”